A NICU baby. Part 1.

While I was pregnant with Noah I always imagined how childbirth would be. I'd push him out, they'd lay him on my chest, and we go home a couple of days later. Even though the thought of the doctor putting a slimy baby on me kinda grossed me out, that is what I wanted. That, however, is not what I got.

On November 17th, 2012, Noah was born. There was no baby on the belly moment, at least not right away.  I pushed him out and they whisked him away. Probably had something to do with the fact that he was 6 weeks early. I remember a lot of commotion going on around the baby. Not that anything was wrong but at that point who knew? I remember finally hearing him cry. It was beautiful. They finally finished with him and brought him over to me. My beautiful little 3 lb. 15 oz little boy. I got to give him a few kisses and away he went. To the NICU he goes.

I tried to get some sleep before going over to see him. But I was becoming overwhelmed with pain. By this point any kind of numbing drug that was once in my body is gone. Sleep was not in the cards so off I went. I remember him looking so fragile, so tiny. I was in so much pain I couldn't stay. A while later my ex brought Mason to come meet his baby brother. Despite my pain, it was the most beautiful thing I saw.                                          

It is now late afternoon and the pain is becoming unbearable. I gave birth at 3:09 am. and I still haven't slept. That night they finally gave me 2 shots and I passed out. The next morning it hit me. I just gave birth yet there is no baby here. I felt empty. My heart sank. Not only that but I am being discharged today too. The life drained from me. How am I going to do this with one child at home and the other 40 miles away?